your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
