after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
