Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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