dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
