Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
