So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
