dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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