He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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