The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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