there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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