My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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