I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
