I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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