I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize