I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My penis needs a shock collar
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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