I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize