I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
