4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
