No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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