i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
