Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
