How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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