Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
