It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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