Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
