I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
