please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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