Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
