last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize