its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
