they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
