you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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