God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
