I want to have your abortion
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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