My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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