he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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