did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
