glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
