Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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