HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
