My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
