Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
