Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize