Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
