Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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