I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
