Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, he came in my armpit
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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