My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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