At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
