There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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