you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
