Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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