I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
