every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just found a bag of teeth...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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