i just google imaged poop.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
