Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
