I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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