was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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