peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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