Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the liver wants what the liver wants
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
