she takes plan B like it's going out of style
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
