I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
