So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
