two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize