yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so much tequila, so little girl.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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