I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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