Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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