I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
