I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
