Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
