That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
