This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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