I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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