its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
don't judge my taste in strippers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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