y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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