Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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