You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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